Some Treats While I'm Gone

Friends... I'll be signing off for about 3 weeks. Have you heard of Birthright? It's the program where a bunch of wealthy Jewish people donate so that young Jewish people who've never been to Israel can go, completely free of cost to them! So that's where I'll be for the first 2 weeks... the last week I'll be traveling around on my own, experiencing the country & culture to the fullest. It's really quite strange & beautiful & incredible... 3 weeks in Israel, practically FREE of cost to me! Amazing! I'm so excited.

Meanwhile, things have been moving at a wonderfully fast & exciting pace over here. Jodi (my soul-sister) & her partner Ruby just moved here from Portland, OR. I cannot tell you HOW thrilled this makes me! I've been meeting artists & collaborators left & right. Things are falling into place.

And JUDY and I had a really great wheat pasting adventure the other day. To our pleasant surprise, a little flower, hot water, and sugar makes the perfect cheap & effective glue! Have any of you ever wheat pasted before? It's so much fun!

Here's a little peak at the insane but absolutely perfect mood of this past week:

Wheat Pasting Intro Take 1 from Rachael Maddox on Vimeo.

And some messages that I just have to share:




Wishing you compassion, honesty & a heart full of hope these next few weeks... Rachael

PS...This and this are my tour-bus reading materials. They should make for interesting companions... ;)

Someplace Larger

This is where I stood on January 1st with a handful of my fears written on tiny slips of paper buried deep in my favorite coat pocket.
One by one, I pulled them out, and with a smooth sea shell, I scribed their message in the sand.
My heart melted with joy when Brian jumped right in...When he laughed the purest laugh as I moved too slow and the ocean washed over my boots and pants...When he said to me in the sweetest voice, "I'll let you know when the water's coming!" He'll let me know, I thought, when it's time to step back and let go. When it's time to let mother earth play her role.
And then eventually, there was a whole crowd of us standing there together, sharing sea shell-pens, letting the ocean in on our secret fears, then watching it wash them away. Writing in tiny letters, writing in Chinese, writing just about as large as our arms could stretch. And in the end, we walked away from the shore with most of our fears washed away, some still sketched into the sand waiting for their turn, their time. Either way, we felt happy.
I think overcoming fears is like that. Some linger longer than others. Some are washed away before they can even be written. Some you just have to leave behind to let something much larger take care of them.

Confessions Part 1

(inspired by this post by writer jen lee).

i'm terrified that this little agnostic/atheist is finding faith.
i'm terrified that i'm beginning to believe in my dreams enough to actually take responsibility for them.
i'm terrified of working hard for something i love, because what happens when i max out?
when someone tells me i can't keep going because i'm not good enough for the next level?
i'm terrified because while i know so much is out of my hands, having courage is not.
and that is why i have committed myself to 365 days of daring.
i'm terrified of failing myself, but i'm going for my dreams anyway.
i have everything to lose if i don't.
i'm terrified of loss (like, the Big Final Ultimate Loss), but even more terrified of accepting loss...
because then there are no more excuses for not appreciating my days, for crappy moods.
my terror is rooted in my fear of failing if i take responsibility--not being enough.
not being accepting enough, talented enough, smart enough, sensitive enough, political enough, dedicated enough, passionate enough.
there's a lot of terror in this heart.
but my favorite quote right now is this, in audre lorde's amazing essay "the transformation of silence into language and action"

We can learn to work and speak when we are afraid in the same way we have learned to work and speak when we are tired. For we have been socialized to respect fear more than our own needs for language and definition, and while we wait in silence for that final luxury of fearlessness, the weight of that silence will choke us.

i am not terrified to figure these things out.
but to share them with you? yes. but i'm learning to work and speak even now, when i'm afraid.

how about you? any words you can share, even though you are afraid?

10 things to do when your soul needs rebalancing

(or what I did to get my sanity back)

1. instead of crossing things off your list, blow them off your list. really. what things can be erased or set aside for another time when your soul isn't aching?
2. fall asleep in the middle of the day to music that makes you feel calm & happy.
3. wake up and do shakra yoga.
4. eat a really fresh & juicy orange.
5. go for a long walk to a cute little shop that sells inspiring crafts & soulful art.
6. take your time in the shower or bath, and give your body some extra love by using your favorite body wash.
7. have someone read the old testament out loud to you in a really silly voice before you go to bed.
8. dance freely.
9. tell your friends who usually come to you for advice that you're completely unavailable for the next two weeks.
10. listen to your cravings. hear them by doing them.

did she dare?

she dared to piece her soul together...
to surrender to her unknown journey
to let go of the need to hold it all together
to take her dreams seriously
to hold faith quietly in her heart
to say yes

she dared to trust
the path
her light
a calm voice of wisdom

she dared to believe
in the way it's meant to unfold


my heart's been so heavy since i dared to proclaim these things...like the universe was daring me back, ya sure? then proceeded to knock me over with a strong, unyeilding wind--exposing all of my weaknesses, poking at each of my tender places.

i think i'm beginning to really understand what it means to be pushed to a new edge of myself. and how real and scary it is to knock down old walls i once relied on.

some serious tender, love n' care is in store for this coming week. my soul needs re-balancing.

seasons of us

You nights of anguish. Why didn't I kneel more deeply to accept you,
Inconsolable sisters, and, surrendering, lose myself
in your loosened hair. How we squander our hours of pain.
How we gaze beyond them into the bitter duration
To see if they have an end. Though they are really
Seasons of us, our winter...

-Rilke