love

find more protests against perfect HERE at brene brown's ordinary courage blog. <3

give

random thoughts and updates

or things that could be tweets, but aren't.
or an e-mail that my dad would send me, but didn't.

• i'm going to the world domination summit. i'm not sure how, but i'm going. like, i'm already registered.
• writing thank you notes takes a long time but always feels good. especially when you're feeling full of gratitude, which i am!
• showering every day has been a rare gift i've given myself this week and i'd highly recommend it to those who hold tension in their foreheads / scalps.
• calling grandparents is always a good decision.
• so is cooking kale straight from the garden.
• helping people learn how to read is like fire straight to my heart. i love it. they love it. we have fun. fun is golden.
• watering the plants helps slow my mind. and gets my heart rate up, surprisingly. (no hose, just an old fashioned, heavy watering can!)
• metroing feels better than driving in traffic. but in either place, there's always someone to connect to if you stay open to connection.
• slow down. do less. smile more. this has helped me immensely.
• planning a wedding is exhausting even if you're full of love, peace & non-conformity.
• my mom bought me my only pair of skinny jeans, my only bra, and my only lingerer. you following the trend here?
• talking about sex is good.
• having sex is better.
• i've made no more than $1000/month since graduating from college. 
• it's been interesting--especially on the months when i only make enough for about $40 of spending money the whole month--it's certainly been good for me.
• living in a co-op enriches my life daily.
• it's way easier to have a happy, healthy home when you only have to do 1 chore, and still, all the other chores get done. (my chore is gardening... i know, right?!)
• crappy coffee doesn't make me crap. oh, the irony.
• i'm on e-book and real-book overload. it's overwhelming and exciting at the same time.
• there's no where i'd rather be in this moment than right here.
• the other day on the metro a woman said to me, "we all bleed red"
• the next day while driving with the windows down in traffic, a woman in the car next to me asked if i wanted to take a hit of the joint she was smoking. i wanted to, but declined.
• i don't know how people "follow" over 150 people on twitter. do you just not read most of the tweets? (okay--i tweeted that one)
• this post about gentrification has been with me since i read it. and the comments blew my mind. the guy's not racist. he's right. upper-class new comers are terrified of this neighborhood, and their lack of camaraderie shows it.
• two weeks until love-fest. gah. super psyched!
• i'm about to board a flight to madison, wisconsin to celebrate bri's grandpa's 90th birthday. have i ever mentioned how much i love his family up there? & madison? such jewels.
• which reminds me, i have about 20 minutes to pack and run out the door.

peace, loves! wishing you an inspiring & love-filled weekend! share with me some random thoughts & updates, and i'll read them happily when i return :)

Ode To My Kindred

These questions have been crossing my path lately: Who are you really writing for? How do you want to be related to? What sparks your fire and what keeps it aflame?

Intention is everything with writing, and for me, authenticity is at the core of my intention. If I want to be authentic--genuinely standing in work that represents me--I've got to get clear about who I'm being authentic for and why it matters.
And so it was born... 

An Ode To My Kindred

I write for my kindred--the truth-seekers, the love-conspirers, the art-makers.

I write for the muses who must unleash their power. The ones who suffer from spouts of fear but still believe with full faith that their truth can move mountains. 

I write for the freaks, the geeks, the non-conformists who wear authenticity on their sleeves.

I write for the spirit of all living things and the souls who wake up to it breath after breath.

I write for the coffee shop regulars, the garden harvesters, the hammock dreamers, the mindful eaters.

I write for the revolutionary change-makers, the humble uphill path-walkers.

I write for the sit-with-you-in-the-dark-ers, the quiet hand-holders, the mothers.

I write for people who smile with strangers. The difference-exposers. The sameness-recognizers.

I write for the adults who play in fountains, the kids who ponder existence, the grandmas who have Facebook.

I write for the radical manual-makers, the rule-breakers, the resource-creators who get things done.

I write for the vulnerable, the imperfect, the faithful, the hurting.

I write for the wish-makers, the bike-riders, the flower-pickers, the non-9-to-5-ers.

I write for the sweethearts, the bleeding hearts, the broken hearts, the healing hearts.

I write for the uncompromisingly honest.

I write for our hopeful communion, for our soul-shifting revelations, for our capacity to inspire a better world.

I write for these things because they are all pieces of me.
I write to free my soul. 
To let it work its magic on the world.
To let the world work its magic on me.

Intention. Connection. Magic. Freedom.
This is my enthusiastic promise. My ode to you, my kindred.

the way love moves me & a bit on getting married

 
it's hard to even tell you how inspired i've been feeling by love lately.

the kind of love that holds heartache, confusion and compromise without complaining.
the kind of love that always has room for kisses and cuddles.
the kind of love that knows even if we don't have most things figured out, we have this, and this can carry us through.
the kind of love that moves to the beat and laughs from the belly.
the kind of love that chooses kindness and acceptance every time.
the kind of love that forgives.
the kind of love that believes that we don't have to know where we're going.
the kind of love that knows that nothing matters more than love.
the kind of love that sits with you in your moments of doubt.
the kind of love that heals your most tender, hidden places.
the kind of love that makes you squeal with wild abandon.
the kind of love that dreams up crazy adventures and then actually brings them to life.
the kind of love that reminds you of your playful, light-hearted, happy soul.
the kind of love that makes you want do more and have less.
the kind of love that deepens you to a place of simply being.
the kind of love that cherishes honesty and authenticity.
the kind of love that always lends a helping hand, no questions asked.
the kind of love that respects.
the kind of love that grows.
the kind of love that is vibrant and open and full of joy.

a week from now brian and i will be celebrating out 5 year anniversary. two weeks later, we'll be celebrating our commitment to choosing a life-long journey together. i am so so so excited for this. for every moment that's to come with my brave, brilliant, charming love. and i love this song because it speaks to us. we don't have much money, but we have the most incredible community of people who are making this celebration happen in a truly home-made kind of way. that's an incredible kind of love, too, that is seriously blowing my mind. my gratitude runs so so deep.

also--i just want to say a word about the insanity of weddings. there are a lot of contributing factors: the traditions, the emotions, the opinions, the decisions. but what's all the insanity really about? is it really about the centerpieces or the guest list or the location? no. it's about years of accumulated baggage around love. and the importance of love. and the power of love. and what love means. and the decision to love and thus, merge two families that potentially might not love one another. (luckily, ours do :). and most importantly, the potential to feel left out from love -- the one thing we're all craving most in our hearts.

what's my point? that if weddings are really all about love, and love is all about choosing kindness and acceptance, then weddings can be drama-free if you choose to make them so. that was a big revelation for me and has made the past month of wedding-planning basically painless. of course, it still takes lots of time and energy. but truly, no more annoyance or hurt feelings. just recognizing that this love stuff is a big frickin' deal. no one wants to be left out. people don't want to lose it. am i responsible if they feel like somehow they are? no. but i can see their position with compassion, and i can weigh it with an open heart.

i believe with all of my heart that sinking into love is the greatest gift we can give the world. what about you? has love lifted you up recently? i hope so. <3

photo by the incredible Katie Campbell

what we all deserve

this body, this heart
has spent many tired nights
in anguish, in pain, in denial
of the gifts that are
readily available to it,
of the hope that is
hoping i'll find it,
of the love that is
waiting with warm embrace,
of the gratitude that knows
only gifts surround us,
of the tribe that outstretches
its gentle hand--
its humble courage.

there are things we all deserve--
things that can hold us like the ways
of the wise ones--
like believing that risk
is greater than playing it safe,
like knowing that gratitude
unlocks unneeded pain,
like trusting that a tribe
can bare witness
to the unfolding truth
buried deep in
our souls.

there is time for waiting
if you want...
for questions and doubts,
for playing it safe.

but you should know that
that move won't really save you
from anything.
that move will only keep you
from your power,
from your divinity,
from the place where you belong--
among us, in dreams, in moments, in hope,
in love.
it always comes down to love,
and it always comes down to choosing it.
i hope we can choose it together.

~~~~~

As fall rounds the bend, I'm celebrating by joining Jen Lemen & Andrea Scher for their seasonal Dream Lab focusing on cultivating courage, gratitude and tribe. They were such incredible dream-wizards in Mondo Beyondo, and I have no doubt that their Dream Lab will be filled with inspiring jewels and kindness. Come along for the journey. I'd love to see you there... You deserve it, and there's no time like the present for showering yourself in some TLC.

Light & Dark

Creativity--like human life itself--begins in darkness.
- Julia Camron, The Artist's Way

When I'm in a place of birthing new dreams, sitting anxiously in the dark, I often forget that a mysterious and magical glow is waiting for me on the other end. Or better yet--with me, in the thumping of my heart, this very moment. I'm pulled by a habitual gut reaction when an unknown light enters my safe-zone: tense up, be skeptical, and act composed through fear.

The dark is my safe space, my untouched and un-judged sanctuary where dreams can grow and emerge. When I was a kid, I wasn't afraid of the dark all that much. I knew, with my good senses, that no stuffed animals were coming to life and no monsters were hiding in my closet. Rather, the dark was my place of peace where I found moments of quiet wonder and time to sink into starry-night hopes.

What did scare me though, was the streaking light that seeped in through my window, flashing across my ceiling. Where's this light coming from? I'd wonder. Is something out there going to come into my safe dreamy room and get me?

There, cozied up under my soft worn blankets, I'd mull over all the terror that could be waiting for me in the streaks of light. Allowing myself to get carried away by fear, I never even considered that something beautiful, something magical, something that I'd been hoping for all those nights could be waiting for me just beyond the dark.

But I'm realizing today that there's a place where dreams emerge to if you let them--if you don't lock them up in the towers of your doubt. Ready or not, wishful or dumbfounded: The light means something unavoidably important and true is getting ready to be born.

With all the kindness, tenderness, and acceptance I can muster, I'm telling myself this today (maybe you need to hear it, too?): I was daring enough to conceive of my dream and I am strong enough to push it out when the flood gates open. Even if I've never done it before. Even if the way how still seems so unclear. All is healthy and good. All is as it should be. I can trust my intuition today. I can be gentle and confident and strong and kind. I know exactly where to go. I can go there. After all, what's on the flip side? Stuckness? Fear? Penniless pockets? No thanks.

Do you have dreams that are pushing through the darkness and into the light? Is your intuition guiding the way? What's the process of birthing a dream look like for you?

Today I'm hoping that your heart can find the courage to believe in the power of its light. That you can be vulnerable enough to open up to it. And that we can hold each other in trust along the way.

These Things Are True

There is nothing to fear.
Everything is going exactly as it should.
Love is the only way.
Truth & kindness are the secret to love.
You can be as loving with yourself as you are with others.
It's okay to begin where you are.
Perfection is impossible.
Acceptance is taking tiny breaths and letting them go, knowing that you can't hold on to everything, but everything is still somehow holding you.
Joy ignites inspiration more than any striving or suffering.
Suffering is a choice we make far more than we have to.
It's okay to choose suffering. But it's also okay let it go when you're ready.
It's okay if you don't feel ready.
You are beautiful beyond belief.
Saying yes to the moment is the best choice you can make at any moment.
You still have the power to say no when you need to.
Living things are made to love & be loved.
Love does not discriminate.
We are all so very connected.
Being intentional matters.
You have all the heart & hope & trust that you need.
Nothing is lacking.
Abundance is enveloping your dreams.
The support will show up as soon as you step out onto the ledge.
You are loved for your raw, shameless, imperfect heart.
You cannot mess up.
We are together.

conversations with abraham

 
i have a tendency for falling in love with people everywhere i go. it's a condition i simply cannot shake. yesterday at the big bear cafe, abraham was no exception.

we were sitting catty-cornered at the common table that was long with deep grooves from many years of use, many mugs and plates clanking down on it.

i was drawing and he was typing. peering over his laptop with a slight grin on his face and love in his eyes, he asked me, what are you making?
--sorry, what did you say? with his soft voice and east african accent, it was hard to make out his words.
what are you making, love? it's beautiful.
--oh, thank you. a flier.
ahh... what is it for?
--an arts festival.
oh, you're an artist, yes? i nodded... what kind of art do yo do?
--writing and painting, mostly.
his brow perched up. i'm a writer, too. what do you write about?
--umm... being human, i suppose. you know... fear, trust, love. my nerves must have shown through the confidence i projected. but something in me knew that neither nerves nor confidence were important here. what about you?
he paused. yes yes... ego is the sneakiest of human struggles, he said finally, stroking his beautiful white beard in a quiet and thoughtful way. you never really rid yourself of it. you just learn how to control it. and fear is at the center of everything. i write about these things, too.

i put my pen down, took off my reading glasses, and smiled. hello, love, i thought, let us begin.

our conversation stretched on for hours with velocity and ease. at times when abraham went into longer stories i let my mind quiet and watched the widening and narrowing of his glossy eyes--the space between his barrier-breaking smile and curious furrowed brow.

i've learned through practice to let go of individualizing myself and others... to become part of the universe.

do you still have fear? i asked.

yes, but my fear does not haunt me. from the center of his chest out toward his sides, he motioned with his hands, shaking out the space, patting down the air. this was his letting go, his shaking free. i love to dance, he told me. too much, sometimes.

i knew this was true beyond words, without ever seeing it happen. dancing is freedom, and abraham seemed to know both.

there are two paths you can choose: the average path or the spiritual path. choosing the spiritual path does not land you at the ending like *that*. it takes you on a journey. he leaned back smiling, tilting his head to almost touch his shoulder, as if he saw me straighter that way. i never know where it's taking me. but i'm glad to be on it.

i understand that intellectually, i told him, followed by an exhale of honesty, but i'm still very afraid in my heart. 

ah, you are young. you have many experiences waiting for you and much exploration to do. the universe will teach you many things. many lessons about impermanence and loss. my acceptance of impermanence has liberated me from fear for the most part. but like they say, if you're not an idealistic marxist in your twenties then something's wrong with you. this idealism makes it hard to accept loss. you have many experiences waiting for you. you will live to explore many ideas and truths. but right now, this is enough.

yes, abraham, i thought, right now--this is more than enough.