Monday, April 23, 2012
Nothing Much But Surrender
It's been so long. There are 8 posts in my draft folder, none of which I've managed to hit "publish" on. It's that kind of time: liminal, blurry, gray.
The "unknown" folder is packed to the brim and I'm pulling out pages one at a time, reading them, listening to them, touching them like they're pure gold. Sometimes, something about them fits just right in my hands, and I think... This is it. I've found what I've been looking for. And then Poof!--it slips away.
So here's to not holding on too tightly, to resting as much as you need, and to trusting that sometime soon, the leap will come, and everything will be seen in a new kind of light. But for now, the dark, the shadows, the great mystery of not knowing where you are--this space is your teacher. Listen closely. Open generously. Give gratitude. Become as small and still as you need.
Whatever you do, make it a whole body experience. Begin to learn the languages you've been unconsciously speaking throughout your life--the ones of hunger and tension and fatigue and energy. Begin to scan your body for clues about your truth. Those findings, those discoveries are directional--suggestions about what next and how. It's time to stop doing that thing that always leaves you depleted. It's time to start speaking so your chest can stop hurting. It's time to lay down in the grass and reconnect with the natural rhythms of the world. It's time to quit giving your power to something that's bad for your health.
Along the blurry path there are quick moments of insight--intuitive hits that say turn left, around that bend is where you're meant to go. Without knowing what awaits us, we follow an internal voice, we travel toward our next adventure. We string together a life this way. Clear insights, blurry paths.
My most recent clear turn had to do with forgiveness--with letting go of a certain resentment I'd held on to for far too long. The shift was immediate. And then, a new path, a new direction unknown.
And you? What clarity or blur are you amidst? Full permission to say anything... anything at all... knowing that I just love you for visiting me here and hope for us both the courage and trust necessary to walk joyfully through the mystery.