When everything falls apart

crossed between shadows and light this morning at Qualia Coffee.

Everything will be okay, she told me, because you are brave.

Her r's rolled like a lopsided wheel, not quite as smooth or sultry as an engine's roar... more weathered, more rough. Rough also was her touch, her cool heavy hands slapping and rubbing the side of my arm like a woman in the field smacking dirt from a dirty rug. Our colors contrasted like shadow and light, only I was the shadow, despite her dark skin. No, I was nowhere to be seen on that beautifully made bed with the golden glow filling the room, filling my lungs, filling the spaces between her wise words, her motherly body and mine. I was dark like an audience, happy to disappear and listen.

Turn the page, she told me.
Do a ritual. 
Buy new underwear. Burn the old.
How open is the window in your heart?
Open it all the way.
You must open it all the way if you truly want to turn the page.
How open is your window?
If you were writing in your journal, what would you say?... You know, if you were just to write how you feel? How do you feel?

I'm tired, I told her. So so so tired.

Good, she said, her hand doing a healing dance on mine. You are brave. You have done a very brave thing. It is the time to rest. But do not look back while you are resting. Turn the page. The future is bright. Everything will be okay because you are brave.

She trailed off into stories of brave shadows who learned how to come into the light, and I believed her. I believed that I was brave, that I could begin again, that everything would be okay. I believed her simple message, her strong hands on my tired body, her smiling eyes loving mine even though we just met, even though she knew me not.

I believed her maybe because of the rough way she rolled her r's, or her rough hands, or her free body in exactly the position it felt comfortable being in. I believed her because she believed in me without hardly knowing me, and there are few things more medicinal than confidence and a calm touch when everything falls apart.

~~~~~~~

What's your saving grace when everything falls apart, loves? What sentence, phrase or face gets you through? Let's make a pool of wisdom. One we can all take a little dip into when the heartache gets too hot.

madlove and a grateful heart,
rachael