I can't even believe I'm writing right now. In 48 hours I'll be on an airplane to Santa Fe, and the hours of things that have to happen before then are a bit unmentionable. But this always happens with me: I become a total zen monk when I'm on the right path. Zero goals. Only faith. And wild, incomputable accomplishments.
Okay. So anyway. I wanted to tell you the story of how this happened, because it's awesome. And it could happen for you, too, potentially. (Stop it--I'm serious). Okay.. here it is:
I was feeling stuck in a rut. Am I really going to keep going back and forth through this same routine over and over... forever? Then I went to Portland to celebrate my best friend's birthday. Maybe it was the five days of slightly altering baked goods, or the mystical spirit of the Oregon Coast, but either way, something was bursting within me... a physical energy... I really wanted to PLAY.
Well, I did enough cartwheels on the beach to find out that cartwheels on the beach wouldn't cut it. There was this voice... this strange, delightful, nagging, insatiable voice... that kept whispering to me, You want to go to circus camp!
On my last morning in Portland, I was telling Jodi about my friend who'd gone to lots of AA meetings. Mood follows action, she had told me. Mood follows action, we kept telling ourselves, like a pump up jam for some nameless game waiting just around the bend.
Rach... When are you going to just do it? she asked, sunlight pouring through the car windshield. I've heard you talking about doing something along these lines for a year. I think it's time.
Shit, really? I said, a bit clueless of how obvious I'd made my desire.
Yes, she said sternly. Really.
Jodi's not usually one to offer up a stern stare. She was right and she knew it. And I knew it, too.
My reaction was a mix between fuuuuuckkkkk and yes yes yes yes yes yes YESSSS!!!
But like any normal, scared/excited human, I took the conversation in stride and went on my way. At the airport, I was looking up information for this uuber expensive leadership training I'd been thinking about doing through my coaching school. My whole body felt anxious. I even called my mom crying, confessing that I felt like a total bum because I'm not "getting anywhere" with my life and "I don't even really want to do this damn leadership program anyway!" but "I feel like I have to be successful or something" and "I'm only 26... do I really have to be SO grown UP?!" and "Is it a sin to give myself the gift of fun!?" (Our complaints are actually really powerfully illuminating, if we let them be).
And then my friend Maya showed up [nothing's random] randomly at the exact runway where I was waiting in flowing black drab like a witch meant to deliver my destiny.
I spilled all my blubbering beans. And then she asked simply, Well, what do you really want to do?
I just want to go to circus camp! I wailed.
Have you Googled it?
Look it up right now.
So I did. I Googled "Adult Circus Camp" and the first thing to appear was WiseFool New Mexico. We read about their BUST program together and knew it was perfect for me. Empowerment through the circus arts. All women. 6 weeks. Inexpensive. Wild delight.
But... Am I really allowed to go do this thing... just... for fun??
Why the hell not? Maya asked. I was silent. Okay, how would you feel if you went to the leadership training and not the circus camp?
Resentful that we're not doing cartwheels, I replied. And like a fake.
Yeah. Go join the circus, Rach. You've got your whole life to grow up. Or not. You gotta make yourself happy.
It was decided. I called my boss for my tutoring job from the airport to ask if I could leave a month early. She said yes.
Then... at my layover in Minneapolis I got a $500 flight voucher for being a flexible traveler. Flight to and from NM... covered!
THEN... I was calling around on Craigslist for a place to live. One woman gave me another random woman's number. That "random woman" is renting me her condo for $100/week when it's usually $1200/month. And I can use her "extra scooter"... for free.
And with zero publicity for my coaching business, within a week of deciding to go to circus camp, 3 new clients came to me through word-of-mouth.
The how followed my yes.
It's like that Goethe quote...
That the moment one definitely commits oneself then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never have otherwise occurred. A whole stream of events issue from the decision, raising in one’s favour all manner of unforeseen incidents, and meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.
And it all started with this crazy nagging voice that somehow, I couldn't ignore. (Or had stalled on for almost a year, until finally, I could feel the cosmic force saying, NOW).
Here I go, people. I couldn't be happier, more excited, more ass-wiggling-ready. I wish for myself raw raucous play. New friends. New edges.
And for you, I wish that a mystical whisper enters your mind. One you simply cannot ignore. One that you follow, that makes your jaw drop with serendipitous delight. Good luck. Let me know when it happens.
PS--Did I mention I'll be doing trapeze, aerial silks, stilt walking and acrobatics... none of which I've ever tried before. Ever. Here goes noooothin'! ;)
PPS--My coaching doors are still open while I'm in the land of enchantment. Come knocking if you feel called, loves. Mwah!
And if you're curious... look!