Surprise Me

today will go down in the history books
as the umteenth time
i let the five year old girl i nanny
fuel my sleepless body
with the silly folly of dancing to billy joel

it will go down on record
as the hundredth time
i'm hung over on heartbreak--
i've gotten smarter, by now,
at drinking lots of water
while cracking, crying
calling on each others courage

today will go down as the third time, maybe fourth
that i looked myself in the mirror--
after sleeping in my clothes from the night before--
and said, "grow up, kid.
it won't kill your spirit."

today, was the fifth time i burned all my little dreams.
floated ashes down the stream
whispered silently to the hot summer sky,
"surprise me.
surprise me."

Young Love Revival : Baby It's You

the age of earnest eager love is not dead
i am not too old and knowing
too bruised from showing my interest
to show up and kiss you three songs longer
than what would make me strong
and untouchable

i will not be untouchable
behind a locked glass case
i will be breakable
and you will see it on my face
not with fear, but with that
young brave smear of ready for more
hot cheeks on yours
open doors
generous gestures

i will call in sick for you
i will detail my history for you
i will write new rules for you
that have nothing to do my wounds
and everything to do with what i want to do:

love you, like love is new
like i haven't been so bruised
like we can choose
to stay past the fear of staying too long
i will lean in, and i will hum this song:

you're the one i love
you're the one i need
you're the only one i see
come on, baby, it's you!*

i will stand belly to belly with you
forehead to forehead with you
nose to nose with you
and i will whisper my earnest eager truth:
baby, it's you.

*from beyonce's, love on top

Make Your Art

Make Your Art from Rachael Maddox on Vimeo.

because the flow is healthy for your heart
because creation > consumption
because there's room in the world for your fullest expression
because braving the practice of seeing yourself makes space for others to see you, too
because art's relatable, and we all wanna feel the truth of our togetherness
because you can, damn it, so just do it
because once upon a time you were young and feared not the "good-enough" syndrome, and that part of you is still alive, ready with a vengeance to make up for lost time
because art Accesses Reasonless Truth, and the world is in need of this kind of wisdom
because avoiding your art is avoiding your power
because your soul is exquisite, simple as it is, and your art is its earnest showcase
because i personally want a window for loving you deeper

what to do if you have spring fever and no lover:

1. make love to your art.
2. make out with your sweat.
3. make openings in the earth.
4. make practices of growth.
5. make eye contact.
6. make amends.
7. make up a song.
8. make room for surprises.
9. make friends with quiet.
10. make peace with your body's edges.
11. make it mean less.

Record Winds Are Coming: For Jodi, Springtime, and Anyone Needing a Blessing

The sun shone for a good 3 hours today. Now, outside my cracked window, gentle rains hit the pavement like a cleansing shower. Perhaps we need more of this emotionality than we could ever imagine to be humane.

This song is for you, if you've had a long winter.
If you're not sure that you've grown stronger through all the trials of cold or gray.
If you simply miss knowing that there's a blazing heart of love somewhere, who wants you to feel deeply through your whole body how honestly adored you are for simply sticking around this long.

This song is for you, if you think you just might feel too much to be normal or healthy or human in the world in 2014.
If your feet are ready to be bare in the mud.
Or if your mind is longing for a tornado of fresh air to rearrange all the old stories that are straight-up breaking your heart.

SPRING IS COMING. Things are changing. You Are Changing. The world is changing to meet the new you you're becoming. This is the truth. No matter how stuck in the past you pretend to be, You Are Here, in a perfectly new spot that has new secrets to reveal if you stay open enough to hear them.

My dear soul sister Jodi's birthday is tomorrow. Just a few nights ago we were sitting on my bedroom floor cross-legged eating soup, feeling things. We have this idea that we'll make bumper stickers that say FEELINGS and post them all over the city of Portland. (The thought of putting them on stop signs feels especially liberating... STOP FEELINGS ... Haha! If only!)

This song is especially for you Jo, the Queen of Feelings, the edge dweller of joy and the deep diver of grief--born right at the crux of winter and spring, able to bend in both directions. For all your aliveness, all your truth, all your spacious sacred ways of standing strong in the rain, in the gray, in the bright blossoming new beginnings of joy. I believe in all your songs. I believe that you're meant for exactly what's happening. And I'm so thankful to explore the holy magical ride of being alive by your side.

Today, if you could comment on this post with the ways you wish to bloom this spring, I'll make us a collective altar. I'll write each of your wishes on tiny slips of paper, put them in a bowl, collect some fallen flowers from the neighbors' tree, and circle the bowl with the blooms and candles. The fire is coming, loves. How do you wish to roar? Do tell. Our collective song is stronger.