Friday, August 24, 2012

there is a rope that we are all tied to

there is a rope that we are all tied to
it begins past where the eye can see
and ends further than the sun's farthest star

i do not know what made it so 
that we
are tied to this rope

most of the time
i don't even 
my body
can't even feel
its cling to me,
i can't even feel
my body

it's a problem
it's a misery

last night, even, i had a dream
i was tied to a lover
we were tied to each other
and we were sobbing
and then laughing
and then sobbing
and then laughing

we were floating
in a dark abyss
far, as far as we could float
from that rope 
and still hold
to each other

something had cut our cords
something had snapped that
spiraling strand
that earthly hemp fray
that held us close to the center
of belonging

god only knows what it was
or when,
what kind of massive force
or tiny flame 
it took
to make us believe
in our minds
that we could ever really float
farther than a star
farther than the eye can see
farther than eternity

so eternally alone
that we have to tie ourselves
to each other
that we have to grasp
and cry out
for forever

it was just a dream
so i know, it was an illusion
that nothing could ever cut that cord
that i could never be untied
from this holy earth

but sometimes that dream
feels like my reality
sometimes i let it 
come and trick me--
i write too much poetry
i go too far into fantasy
i go past the world of make-believe
and i make myself believe
that the underbelly of existence
is my reality:
that i am lost from we 

but there is a rope, still
and i am tied to it
it tied itself to me
like a morning glory 
ties its vines up a tree
it tied itself to me
before there ever was a me 

and every time i try to shake 
myself clean
i shake myself lost
i shake myself into 
that terrible dream
i turn myself insane
i erase my humanity

it is scary, i know
to turn and touch that rope
the trembling hands
the swelling throat
the eyes low
i know this fear like family--
can i really touch eternity?
is it really in me?

and i can't answer in words
it is too much to speak
so i just let this rope hold me
and i weep
and i weep
and i weep

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