Sunday, February 17, 2013

The Magic's in the Music and the Music's in Me

I slide into the wind-chilled LeBaron, my breath whispering secrets--scandals of the night before that I promise myself are more magical left in the dark. It's the coldest night of the year, and also my birthday. An unusual combination on February 17th. Everything has sunken in. Like a pulse that finds its most honest natural rhythm. Like a warm robe wrapping you on a cold winter morning. Like napping on your parents couch.

I sit in the car and think about the scroll SOME SECRETS ARE BETTER NEVER TOLD. I wonder which ones I'll keep between me and that clear bright midnight sky. Which ones will sneak out like a teenager, through the back window, in search of a wild mystery.

The stars are pulsing open wonder, a few lavender clouds are dancing around pretending to be in the way. But there's only cold clear truth. An open faucet of capital L Love. The sense that everything is truly divinely aligned and I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be... In the driveway of soul. Alone. Tired-happy. Quiet. Pooled in comfort of the sweatpants variety. Smiling, face up, watching tiny holes of pure magic light punching their way through the dark, exploding into a pool of irresistible Trust.

There's nothing to say or tell. All those stories really happened. Like, really--I went to the basement of the parking garage of Hell. But nothing lasts forever--no feeling, no moment, no mood. And this is the best and worst news of all.

Because tonight... tonight I feel Love like a quiet breeze. Like I am that breeze. Like the magic's in the music and the music's in me and there's no difference between all this goddamn overflowing glory at all. Or at the very least, no good reason to try to pick it all apart.

And I know it like I know my own face: this will never last. This understanding, this angle, the exact way I slide perfectly into that cool leather seat, the sky that's meditating moonlight like a tender rhythmic toad.

Everything goes. But I'll take what I can get in the moment. I'll take it all, anyway. Impending change, surefire sunrises, one-time-only birthday moonlight meditations. This is what I came for. I didn't know it in words when I came, but this it. This is everything.


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