Tuesday, August 31, 2010

being love

i wanted to write a poem about this history of love in my life
and i wanted the ending to be happy
you know... as if i'm at the end

which made me realize that the poem i needed to write
was much different than the poem i wanted to write

i need to write a poem about endings
which means i need to write a poem about beginnings
which means i need to write a poem about moments

but i don't know how to write a moment
because i barely know how to live one

because i'm wrapped up in the idea of i
and i'm stuck on the story of me
and i'm lost in the ego of alone

have you felt this way?

by which i mean, do you feel?
by which i mean, does your heart beat faster at the conduction of your thoughts
and do your thoughts lead you down paths to places
other than the present?

this poem is not a happy ending
because poems are not endings
they're not even beginnings
at worst, they're a saying
at best, they're a being

and i'm just trying to be true
trying to expose myself to you
trying to shed back the layers of story
and bring forth the moment in it's glory
but moments don't always feel glorious when we're caught up in feeling

do you remember how it felt to be broken?
do you remember how it felt to be born?
do you remember how it felt to be free?

are you longing for a feeling?

do you breathe?
do you bask in the sun?
do you sit with the wind?

i want to believe that my story has only happy endings
but what if i let my story fall away?

what if the wind and i are one?
what if my skin touches the sun just as much
as the sun touches my skin?
what if breathing is something that happens to me,
not something that i do?
what if i stopped trying to be true?

would a moment grace the page?
would words leave these lips?
would people hold each other?
would we forget?
by which i mean...would we awaken?
by which i mean...would we love?

Monday, August 16, 2010

Mondo Beyondo 2010

live in a juicy orange vw van
camp @ the bottom of the grand canyon
let go of emotional story holding
live in italy again
open my own cafe with amazing italian cappuccino
work for myself in creative business
paint every day (even something tiny)
believe in our bike trip -- believe & trust my body and the universe
less fear
less anxiety
deep Presence
embrace my spiritual guru
make a mixed media mural
swim daily
stay in tree house hotels all over the world
make my own tree house to live in
build a home out of recycled goods
spend every day in the sun
wear dresses most days -- wear construction boots the rest -- or wear them both together all the time
get an SLR camera & love the experience of shooting with it
make art once a day
find a fast & easy way to share it
dare to make more mistakes
do something that scares me daily
learn Lakota
hitch a ride in every US state
get arrested for something worth it
be the change
embrace small steps in the direction of my truth
make forts out of sheets and read shel silverstein with a flashlight inside
hug a tree daily
shave my head
get a tattoo
attend a silence retreat
write music on guitar
learn how to play a jolie holland song
exercise daily
love the moment
wake up to my ego so i can sink beneath it
accept ego in others without falling into it
believe this: i am enough. we are enough. we are whole. we are connected.
weekly yoga
lay in a field of flowers and listen to the crickets
grow japanese eggplant
make a creative living financially stable without buying into competition, greed or exploitations
learn to fly
go back to santorini & ride a donkey up the mountain at sunset
give away most of my possessions ... except my dresses :)
get a dress in every color from the thrift store
sleep under the stars monthly
take more risks
write every day
become a traveling art show
bring an instrument with us on our bike trip
make my own clothes
make a quilt out of old clothes that used to fit, then give the quilt to someone i love
listen to the tingle in my heart
give, give, give, give, give
breathe, breathe, breathe
surrender, surrender

(this year's list is really different from last year's... i love that. soon i'll write about what came into being from last year's list. it's amazing to see how much surfaced! :) until then.... what wild daring unfettered dreams is your heart hoping to release? make your own list. share it if you'd like. love it deeply. dreams are sacred. you are sacred.)

ps-click on the image to the right to learn more about mondo beyondo! :)

Sunday, August 15, 2010

To see one's predicament clearly...

On the first day of Sociology 105: Social Problems, the professor asked the class to write a list of social problems in our notebooks, then circle the most pressing one. When he asked for students to share their opinions, common answers arose like homelessness, unemployment, drugs, hunger. Everything was as he had planned until my hand rose and out of my mouth came something that turned heads:

"Uhmm.. sure. Yeah... mental health issues... that's good," the professor said, misunderstanding my remark.

I can't remember if I responded or not in the moment, but internally my mind raced. No, no. Mental health is something pinned on the individual. Alienation is a collective human experience -- one of the most painful and pressing of our existence. It's having countless ways to connect but feeling devoid of connection. It's existing cut off from our true selves, and therefore cut off from one another. It's believing that we're in this life alone and that our survival is completely up to us. As if we're not all going toward the same eventual end. As if we're not all hoping for the same things before we get there. As if we're not all present in this very single moment, capable of showing up for our own and each others big truths. Capable of making a better world to exist in.

The class moved on and alienation didn't come up for the rest of the semester. Years passed and I'd completely forgotten about what happened on the first day of Socy105 until I read this line in Eckhart Tolle's book, A New Earth:

Alienation means you don't feel at ease in any situation, any place, or with any person, not even with yourself. You are always trying to get "home" but never feel at home.

A heart-sinking feeling came to me as my eyes graced this line. My mind raced back to that day when I sat on that squeaky wooden chair and was quietly washed over by a feeling of alienation just as I tried to bring the very thing to light.

To this day I still believe that an inability to be present with one another is at the root of our social ills. There are cures and there are answers--things we each hold in our hearts when we slow down enough to listen for them--when we believe in our potential for progress and trust in Tolle's closing remark:

To see one's predicament clearly is a first step toward going beyond it.

recent mixed media creation

Monday, August 9, 2010

You're Invited!

I am SO SO SO excited to bring this event out to the world! I've been brewing up the idea of a Small is Beautiful Arts Festival for a few weeks now, and on August 21st it will be the first of a monthly series that I'll carry out until Brian and I leave for our cross-country bicycle adventure in April.

What is Small is Beautiful exactly?? A space for artists of all varieties who are just beginning (or who simply want to be part of an incredible community) to come out to the world embracing their artist. To start where they are... Small. (But really much bigger than they could even imagine). Raw. Honest. Beautiful.

So. What does that mean for the attendee, the evening, the festival?!

~Painting, Photography & Mixed Media Exhibits!
~Music & Poetry Performances all night!
~Zine, Card, Craft, Jewelry & Art Vendors!
~Wine, wine, wine!!! (Cash bar)
~Too much goodness to hardly handle.


An explosion of creativity, love & incredibly supportive vibes.

There's still space for vendors, performers, and exhibitors. Contact me ASAP if you're interested! (rachmddx@gmail.com or 410-206-9052). More experienced artists welcome, too!

I cannot WAIT to see how this emerges. It's going to be beautiful, magical, and simply irresistible (in a tingly tummy kinda way... you know the way... the uber connected humans kinda way... the true blue joy kinda way... )

Come! Bring a friend! Bring CASH! (You know, to buy art & booze). Bring love! (We can always use more of it). 

And click Attending on Facebook if you plan on coming :)

xoxo... hope to see you there!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

How to be Alone

(Or part of what I'm practicing as I break from internet over-consumption...)

Happy Tuesday! I'm feeling great, by the way. This stepping-into-the-scary-unknown-thing isn't all too bad when I'm actually doing it.

Go on ~ you can do it, too! Close the lap top, turn off the cell phone, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and let your mind ask this question:

What do I really want to be doing right now?

Then ~ take another deep breath, a small moment of realizing that no one will live that experience for you, and give yourself a big dose of self-love... just do it.

You can ~ promise...