What You Can Do When You're Feeling Scared

1. Trust your intuition
2. Sing this song, or this one, or this one... or this one
3. Ask yourself what's really important
4. Ask yourself when you lie to yourself
5. Walk barefoot in the grass
6. Cry and tell stories and laugh and drink water
7. Call on help from people who are scared too
8. Be brave together
9. Because everything feels easier in courageous company
10. Whisper the truth
11. Then write it in big letters
12. Then paste it to your forehead and have everyone you walk past read it to you
13. Do the impossible
14. Jump off the roof
15. Onto a trampoline
16. Roll over laughing at the silliness of it all
17. Declare the truth
18. Let out a big "hip hip HOORAY!" like they taught you in grade school
19. Breathe deeply
20. Be right here...right here, right now
21. Aaahhhh, yes

Believe in Your Power

What if...

you believed that whatever power you have right now is enough to make a real difference in the world?
you don't need to know how to begin in order to begin?
your fear is smaller than your divine purpose on earth?
you stopped holding on to stories that keep you small?
you're being held by something greater than you?--what if we all are?
you believed that perfection is overrated and you are enough?
you knew that there are no mistakes that will kill you?
you opened your heart to tenderness and forgiveness?
you decided that nothing matters more than choosing love over and over again?
you knew how much you have to give?

would you begin giving?

if you're here tonight feeling the profound need to step into your power--the power that knows, wholeheartedly, how much you have to give--know that you are not alone, sweet friend.

it's easy to forget and there are 1,000 things we could blame for our forgetting: the job we don't have, the pay we're not earning, the help we're not seeing, the system that's not supporting us, the sleep we're not getting. i see it. you're talking to an anti-oppression, anti-capitalist socialist over here. these things are true and there is plenty lacking. but amidst all that's lacking and all the ways we're made to believe that we are broken, hopeless victims to life, what if we believed that our race is stronger than that? that our spirits are fiercer and our souls wiser than believing the lie that we are powerless? what if we revolted, together, with tiny acts of courage in the name of hope, in the name of kindness, in the name of the kind of humanity we want to belong to?--a powerful, generous and loving one.

i'm asking myself these questions tonight and finding daring answers. are you with me? will you answer this first question, too?  

what if you believed that whatever power you have right now is enough to make a real difference in the world? what kind of difference would you make?

i really hope you share your answers with me. i've got something brewing that i'll share with you, too as soon as i can. i would love it if you let me know that i'm not in this process alone! remember, when you dare to take your power seriously, you can do powerful things. i'm so looking forward to revealing our power together!

So many things I wish I knew how to tell you...

Really. There are.

I wish I knew how to tell you all the stories of all the times when I was just about to give up hope, but something came along and turned the tide in my direction.

Or that I know how it feels to compromise myself for the possibility of love, but that the only way real love has ever evolved in my life was from the stubborn determination to Offer Who I Am.

Or how hard it feels to stop telling myself lies about my own self-worth and potential. But how deep the pay off is when I do.

Or how much I'm riding on trust.

I wish I knew how to tell you that in between my endless pout over living in a basement apartment, there are moments in the early morning when that big jewel in the sky shines her rays right through my one window, right onto my morning cup of coffee, and warms my hands, reminding me to slow down, to be present.

I wish I knew how to tell you without so much fear that I have art waiting for you. That I've been creating like crazy over here, and that soon I'm going to let you in on my creations and pray that you'll want one.

And I wish I knew how to tell you that I know I'm making compromises right now--playing the "working woman" role, and leaving less time than I'd like for my soul work. But how I also know that I need this--at least one month without complete havoc over how I'll pay my rent.

I wish I knew how to tell you that I'm not afraid of the living the life I'm meant to live--I'm not afraid of my path. I'm ready for it. Today. This very minute. But even still, I find myself coming up against new edges, new fears, and having to contract again in order to expand again.

I wish I could tell you that I know what it's like to feel lost from my path. Like the universe is not on my side. When I'm wishing and dreaming and things still aren't coming true. But that all those things are part of my story. Part of the sadness and the struggle and the resistance that help me hope with even more heart.

I wish I knew how to tell you that having you here with me gives me courage, gives me trust, and helps me believe that I'm meant for this.

We are in this together. Our dreams are waiting for us. And the world needs us to be true to our hearts. Especially now during such desperate times. The world needs us to create more beauty--and beauty doesn't come from waiting for the right situation, the perfect moment, a better economy, or enough credentials. Beauty comes from the broken, the vulnerable, the honest, the true. It comes from the hopeful heart.

Today, even when I don't know how to express myself like I'd prefer, I come to you from my heart, offering myself to you as a partner-in-dreaming, hoping you'll say Yes.

7 Rainy Day Treats

1. The daylight here video song by Lauren O'Connell and Nataly Dawn



2. delicious vegan chocolate chip cookies made by my adorable roommate, Alyssa
3. pumpkin spice coffee
4. $4 white wine from Yes! Organic Market
5. Project Runway
6. everything by Pomplamoose.
7. permission to stay indoors and paint until dark

Why I Love Working On Really Large Canvasses

I could wear industrial rain boots, and it would be appropriate
I could wear a tool belt, and it would be appropriate
I could need a ladder to reach the top, and I could climb the ladder in my amazing industrial rain boots, and it would be appropriate
I could use a really long T square with a pencil in my mouth, and it would be appropriate
I could drink Gatorade (or wine as if it's Gatorade), and it would be appropriate

In another life, I want to work construction.

Mondo Beyondo 2009!

inspired by Jen Lemen & Andrea Scher's incredible online course, Mondo Beyondo!

i want peace (with myself, my loved ones, my community, the world)
which means that i want listening and reconciliation
i want real effort-full equality
i want to truly practice honoring all living things... i want to work through discovering what this means for me
i want community and togetherness... a village!
i want to be fragile and raw and know that i have back up
i want empowerment and honesty
i want to stop lying about silly things, to stop worrying how i'll be percieved for my imperfections & mistakes and learn how to laugh at myself!
i want to expose my flaws and be okay with them
i want security and stewardship with the earth... i want my grandchildren and their grandchildren to enjoy mother nature... i want to consume as little as possible & repurpose as much as possible
i want patience
i want to be part of a village that raises children
i want to love deeply & openly & enthusiastically like i did when i was 3
i want to not take myself so seriously...to let myself laugh more often...to be more lighthearted
i want to live in south dakota on the reservation and give all that i have to the Lakota
i want to know what it's like to sing silence, to paint stillness
i want to be completely present in intimacy.
i want cooperative housing at university of maryland to be the best thing since sliced bread...i want to find the perfect starting house and get a million dollar grant... i want to be in the founding group of people who change the corporate landscape of college park to a magical city of authenticity
i want to be part of the coolest arts collective in all of washington dc
i want a garden full of WIND CHIMES and WINE BOTTLE PATHS and UNHINGED DOORS painted incredible colors and vegetables that are LUSH and NOT BORING (ie-not radishes) and YELLOW TULIPS
i want a magical sketch journal that chronicles my life through the images i connect to daily, through what i just had to sketch
i want all the black people and all the white people in washington dc to sit down with each other and to hear each other's stories
i want to feel part of my neighborhood, to form life-long friendships with the people on my block
i want to feel safe where i live
i want to harness my identity as a jewish woman more deeply. not in terms of religion, but in terms of history, culture, and connection to oppression.
i want to go to the columbia heights unitarian/universalist church!
i want to practice non-violent communication and teach it to many people
i want to be my own boss, and earn money facilitating, problem-solving, helping people discover their super-powers, helping people heal... i want this to be in a space that is welcoming and warm
i want to be able to have multiple jobs without burning out
i want to have incredible mentors, and also be an incredible mentor...for the rest of my life
i want a magical cottage where all the amazing women in my life retreat to, where we bring bright blue nail polish and boas and red lipstick and diva cups, where we cry and skip rocks across the river, where we drink red wine and cappuccino, where we share all of our deepest inspiring truths and novels and poems and wisdom and youthfullness
i want to be able to ask for what i need without feeling selfish or guilty
i want to live in a humble home that has awesome windows and magically colored walls
i want to live in a cooperative community for as long as i can stand it :)
i want to love my body more
i want to reconnect to the vitality of my body
i want to start running again
i want capitalism as we know it (corporate oligarchy) to fall & community based economies, bartering & cooperatives to triumph... i want to create alternative economic structures for people to participate in... a different model for people to use when the current one is deemed broken
i want empowering group living opportunities for young adults coming out of foster care, for the elderly people who are still able but lonely, for anyone needing a family
i want to write my grandmothers biography
i want to travel to germany and greece with my mom...to see where she spent her life when she was my age
i want to ride my bike across country with brian
i want to ride my bike to jen's 95% of the time
i want money to matter LESS (and i think with all the online mechinisms that trade services and goods, this is beginning to happen more)
i want to add more art to the streets!
i want more bike lanes in dc
i want more affordable quality housing to people traditionally denied ownership opportunities
i want empowerment for those historically made voiceless (i want to help people have the opportunity to tell their own story, themselves)
i want every young person to be encouraged to dream, encouraged to pursue their passions, encouraged to discover their strengths
i want standardized tests to disappear
i want to promote education that encourages curiosity, dissent, ingenuity, innovation, creativity and problem-solving
i want more opportunities for education, world wide
i want to be fearless enough to talk to people on the metro, on the streets
i want to remember to pause more often ... to reconnect to mindfullness
i want guitar sing-alongs in my house all the time
i want a tribe that isn't always dispersed across the country. i want true-blue friendship that's here-and-now
i want contentedness
i want to publish a book comprised of my father's bullet-point, life-lesson e-mails, alongside photos i've taken of him or excavated from his past
i want to know what the settings on my camera are and then master them...i want to shoot awesome photographs and never use a flash!
i want to collaborate with incredibly talented and soulful people
i want to learn mixed media techniques and stretch my painting further... i want to be unafraid to ask for advice
i want to have a hang-out session with joni mitchell, and a personal concert of all my favorite tunes...
i want, one day, to have a really incredible wedding with brian where all of our friends scattered all over the world venture to be with us and celebrate love... i want it to be really inexpensive, but out-of-this-world fun!
i want all of my friends to have the right to legal marriage privileges
i want to camp at the bottom of the grand canyon
in 4 years, i want to have a 5 year reunion in Florence with women i lived there with!!!
i want to develop the skills or know the people with the skills to make all of these things possible!
i want to tell my story about sexual violence so that more women and men feel comfortable telling theirs
i want to give a hug and say thank you to Audre Lorde
i want to leave copies of the essay "The Transformation of Silence into Language and Action" everywhere i go
i want to learn how to fly (really really badly)... or at least have flying dreams more often
i want to let go of comparing myself to others, let go of envy, and embrace respect and admiration
i want to give away most of what i own...cleanse myself of things
i want to maintain a life that feels balanced and healthy.


Let all of this come to me in an easy and relaxed manner, in a healthy and joyous way! Please only bring to me the dreams that are divinely right for me and the best thing for the world…

what mondo beyondo, outlandish, wild & daring dreams are you wishing for these days? be brave and share in the comments below.